everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
