i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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