Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
