i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
