I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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