He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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