I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Alive.
So much puke
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
