Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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