hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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