I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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