Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
