I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
