so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
