Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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