every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
