When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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