She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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