So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
