I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Let's paint friendship bongs
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
