Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
