i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
