I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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