your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
