No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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