i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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