I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it glows. i had to have it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
