3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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