do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
