also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
