I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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