I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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