He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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