I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
