"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
