How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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