Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
