apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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