im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
