I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Randomize
