well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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