You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
