it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He better not be in your backpack
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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