girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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