Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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