I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
