she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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