clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
