Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
