my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
