They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
